Surgery Day

So just a quit update....I'll update more after my follow up on Wednesday. We got there shortly before 11 am on Tuesday Oct 26th. They did all of there prep stuff and were done by 11:20. They said that they would be back in an hour to get me ready. Well 12:20 went by and still haven't heard anything beside the people standing outside my door talking about food...I wanted to jump out of my bed and hit them upside my bed but then I told myself there not  thinking about the fact that I haven't been able to eat in 18 hours and my head hurt because I'm so hungry.
Next thing I know its after 1 and I'm still seating in the first room. Awhile later they came and to me down to the prep room and asked me all the questions. They told me I would fall asleep soon...Next thing I remember was being taken over into the other room and the guy saying he needed to go get other meds because theses aren't working and then he was smothering me with the mask trying to get me to fall asleep. My surgery was suppose to be an hour long but I was in there for 2 1/2 hours before I hit the recovery room. They couldn't get my pain down and the vomiting. They pumped my IVs with everything they could and if she gave me one more they would have to do a reversal.

They took me back to my room to try oral meds but they didn't give them to me for sometime. I wanted to get up and pee so I waited a little bit for them to come and take me. They told me I could only be up for 15 mins. She didn't want to leave me there but I told her I would be ok. They came back and got me...it did not feel like 15 min and she told me I need to get up or im going to get sick...I told her I still had to pee...Next thing I know I'm vomiting. She told me that I couldn't go home now and that they would have to wait to give me the pain meds. I told her I know how the pts feel now when they say they have to pee and they can't go. I've never have had a problem with that afterwards. OPPS I forgot the most important thing. I also was coughing like crazy because they started to pull the breathing tube out and my O2 stats started dropping fast so they put it right back in. In the room I had to be on 3ls of oxygen.

Anyways we got to leave a 830pm to come home with really high levels of  pain.

I only know what my husband remembers the doctor telling him. My husband said that my left ovary was behind my uterus and the tube was twisted. They were able to do it laparoscopic and were able to keep everything. The doctor said I would be in a lot of pain for awhile because the ovary would have to shrink back to the right size. I'll update after my appointment on Wednesday

My recovery has been slow because of the sickness and coughing. My muscles are so tight I can't lay flat or stand up straight. I'm done with the pain meds for now. We'll see how this weekend goes. I'm suppose to go back to work on Monday.

Thanks to everyone from my church small group and some co-workers for all the food and flowers.
Hopefully something else can become my friend soon besides my ice-cream and soda.....

3 days until Surgery Day

I really can't wait to get rid of the pain and be able to live life again. I haven't done much of anything lately. But I'm sad and scared at the same time because I'm scared to face the facts that they might have to take everything :(   I know god has a plan for me but its so hard to face the facts that as of Wednesday the fertility treatments could be no more...no more chances....no more praying and keeping my fingers crossed every month...gone just like that in my sleep and not knowing until I'm back with it....So I'm praying and hoping that they can leave at least one ovary and the uterus

Ultrasound Results

Well not good but not surprising. There is a large cyst on the left ovary and then the enlarged left ovary on top of that. They might have to cut me open all of the way due to the size of the cyst. Which means I could have to be off of work for up to 6 weeks. So I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they don't have to cut me open all of the way. I'll update next week after my surgery.....Thank you everyone who has been praying for me...it means a lot to me...Thanks :)

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness day

Today we remember all the babies born sleeping or whom we carried but never met, those we held but did not come home & those that came home & didn't stay. Make this your status if you or someone you know has lost a baby. Most won't do it because baby loss is still a taboo subject. Break the silence in memory of all lost angels. ♥

We love you and miss you our little girl ♥
and praying for anyone else that has gone through the same thing

Ultrasound

I had my ultrasound done yesterday afternoon and it wasn't good. The ultrasound went on for 45 minutes because of all of the measurements that they had to take. The ultrasound tech asked me how big it was last time and I told her 4-6cm and see said that it was a lot bigger. I know they can't tell us much but when she kept saying I can see why your in so much pain  as you lay there wondering what she was seeing. The doctor hasn't called me back with the results let. I was really hoping they would call me today so I'm not sitting her all weekend wondering. I will update when I know more or after my surgery on the 26th

Surgery

Update from my appointment. We talked about my pain and they did an exam there today and things totally weren't feeling normal. They kept asking me if I could be pregnant and they did a test after the exam to to make sure. The doctor said that he would like to have an ultrasound done to see if there are any changes they can see from the ultra sound. There are 3 spots of pressure on the inside and their not sure what is cause them beside the left ovary is filled with endometrium. Depending if they find out anymore info on the ultrasound they could possible have to take out an ovary. The surgery is schedule for the 26th at 1pm. I'll have to be off of work until at least that Friday but if they have to cut me open more then I could have to be off for up to 2 weeks min. I got my wish that they meds didn't work but I'm hoping that its not really bad and that they don't have to take everything. I'll update when I find out more info from the ultrasound on Thursday.

Pain

Last night my pain start up again and is pretty bad. I didn't have time to call the nurse from MRS back on Friday so I'm going to call them back tomorrow and let them know that the meds aren't helping and it cont to get worse....Yesterday afternoon I was all excited because I thought I could start exercising but then I decided not to because I didn't want to push my luck....I'm sure glad I didn't. I'll update on Monday with what they decided.

A long Awaited Goodbye to 20s, Hello and Goodbye 18s and A long awaited HELLO to 16s

A quick update from my Phone appointment on Wednesday with Dr. Thyre and update on the title.

On Wednesday I talked to Dr. Thyre on the phone about my pain level and how bad it is getting and on long it is lasting. She said that she wants to try 2 new meds first and see if they work to get ride of and to keep the pain away. If they don't then their going to do surgery to look inside and see what is going on. I started the 2 new meds and the pain still seem to be there but I know it wont work that fast. Dr. Thyre told me that she would have a nurse call me once a week to check and see how the meds are working. They are so wonderful at SRM. They know my goals and they are doing everything they can to help me get there. Most doctors blow off the pain and just say that I'm going to have to live with it if I wants children but they don't understand how much it affects my life. For the last 2 weeks I have been getting only a total of 3 hours of sleep a night and the pain wipes me out so bad that I get ready and go to work and by noon I'm doing everything to keep going. I also haven't been able to exercise and I'm not eating much until the last 2 days. They understand there what my goal is and they want me to get there and they want me to see my get to that 35 BMI because they know that's whats best to make it happen and best for a baby. I love that they are trying to help me. I kinda don't want the meds to work in a way because I want to know whatz causing all of the pain instead of masking the symptoms.

But I do want the meds to start working because I really miss exercising....I never though I would say that...but I love it...I want my AB Coaster tho because I need to firm up my stomach...I love that its getting smaller but I really need to firm it up....So that leads to my title....Last week I put all of my 20s into a basket and some 18s in but I just couldn't get into the 16s. Now this weekend goodbye to all but one pair of 18s (I love them to much) and hello to almost all of my 16s. A friend gave me some 16s that she had and they all fit but one and all of the ones I have fit......Now I'm just waiting to say hello to all of my 14s which I haven't wore since I got really sick in college and lost 40 pounds in a month....I haven't seen them since then.....

Another 2 pounds

So yesterday I had one of my pink shirts on and I realized that it seemed really lose so I stepped on the scale and since I'm suppose to be proud of every pound I lose...Then I guess I should be happy that I'm down another 2lbs. My BMI needed to be under 40 to increase my chance and I'm there...I've been under 40 for a week now without going back over it. I really wish I could be down where I need to be....I have to admit I actually miss wearing my rings....but I refuse to resize them before I plateau in weight where I'm suppose to be. I also had to go through my closet and get ride of the clothes that don't fit anymore.....Even the ones I kept that still fit are driving me crazy because I constantly have to pull them up...rrrr...the one thing I hate about losing weight is being between sizes.....2 pounds this week isn't bad considering I haven't been able to exercise and eat right because of my pain...I keep praying that it will go away and that god will give me the strenght to keep going through this for the chance of a baby......

Sorry to you out there reading this who are pregnant or have a little one but I don't mean anything against you its just feelings I have some times...Sometimes especially when my pain is really bad.....It is so hard to look at them or to see a little baby is someones arms...Its not because I don't think they shouldn't have one or that there bad people...Its just so hard to understand why some of us have to go through so much to have a little one and for some people its as easy as 1,2,3. Its hard some days because almost everyone I know has a little one or is expecting a little one and sometimes they don't understand why its hard to be around them.

Pain

So yesterday my pain was pretty good compared to how it has been but I was so tired and now because I over did it yesterday..I'm paying for it today and I'm suppose to be going to Spokane for a conference tomorrow. I love helping out with things but I hate doing it because I never know when its going to come and when its going to go. It just makes life hard because I miss being able to exercise every night and going for a walk at work. I just really wish the pain would go away and sometimes I just wanna give up and say its not worth it. There are days that I'm just ready to go sign up for adoption but when my pain is not bad I always tell myself that I can still do it. Its not just like labor where it happens once and then its done and you have a baby in your arms and forget about it. Its hard because your working so hard to have a kid but you know that every month and every day that you have to just deal with the pain if you want a chance of having a child of your own. I would give up anything to have a baby and have already given up a lot but you don't know whats at the end. I try to tell myself that no matter what its worth it but I really have to think if my body can take must more. One week of pain sets me back 2 weeks. It would be so much easier if I know for sure that there would be a baby at the end of the deal but there is so much that goes with that. Missing lots of work and the cost of the meds are very expensive.  I try to just keep praying to God that he will show me which way to go...but I feel lost....I'm sure he's telling me but I'm just not listening. I keep wondering if all these medical issues coming up are his way of telling me to stop. There days like today where I'm just ready to say take it all out know, but when its over I keep telling myself I can do it.