Visit #1 of Femara Cycle #1

Ultrasound is scheduled for 2pm on Wednesday and Possibly labs...I'm hoping not because that means the cyst is to big to start the meds....I'm praying for no cyst bigger then 10mm otherwise the meds are put off. I'll let you know :)

Meds

Sorry for my lack of posting for the last couple of week but the last 3 weeks have been crazy with having to take some classes.

Nothing has happened with the meds yet...or I should say they're not working and not doing what their suppose to do. I have to wait until Tuesday before we can try the med again to get things going so I can take the Famara. I'll keep you updated. So its so short but I've gotta get to class.

Holly

Faith

Towards the end of last year I needed a boost in faith and needed some direction so I decided to start reading a devotion book start the 1st. I must say I actually have followed through except the last couple of days because I have been so sick. These quick devotionals have helped me believe and redirect me when I am having a rough day. So I'm going to attempt to put them up everyday for anyone less out there who needs a boost on bad days. I'll start from the beginning....

Jan 1st
God Is Everywhere
If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there Your hand will guide me, and Your strength will support me. Psalm 139:9-10
If we could actually do what the psalmist suggests and ride the wings of the morning to the farthest oceans, we might end up in Fiji. Situated directly east of the north coast of Australia, Fiji is made up of about 300 beautiful islands.
Because the International Date Line passes between some of these islands, Fiji is one of the first countries in the world to welcome each new day.
Most of us won't have the opportunity to visit these islands, but if we did, God would be every bit as present there as He is anywhere else in the world. We can experience the love of God and the comfort of His presence no matter we are. He is present everywhere.
Father,
We're grateful that Your strenght and guidance are always available, ready to refresh us wherever we may be. Amen.

Jan 2nd
All of It
All scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. God uses it to prepare and equip His people to do every good work. 2 Timothy 3:16-17
The apostle Paul began these verses with the little word all. "All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful." The Bible tells one story from start to finish. It opens in a garden, closes in a city, and all the way through points to Jesus. We learn about God, ourselves, sin, how God reaches out to us, and how He provided His Son, Jesus, as the way for us to know Him.
The Bible equips us to deal with our struggles. It helps us to gain new perspective, because we see heaven ahead of us. What a rich experience it is to immerse ourselves in the Bible-all of it!
Father, The gift of Your Word makes us rich. May we value all of it. Amen

Jan 3rd
Walk with God
Noah found favor with the LORD. Noah was a righteous man, the only blameless person living on earth at this time, and he walked in close fellowship with God. Genesis 6:8-9
Noah wasn't perfect. The Bible makes that clear. Nonetheless, he was righteous and he walked with God. All throughout the Bible, walking is much more than physically putting one foot in front of the other. Walking signifies relationship. Where a person was headed and who they chose to walk with made all the difference in the world.
Over the long years (it took 120 years to build the ark), Noah walked closely with God and was commended for his faith, obedience, and righteousness (Herb. 11:7). How delightful it would be if, at the end of our lives, others could say about us, "She walked with God."
Father, We long to be close to You and to sense Your favor, Just like Noah. Help us to walk with You each day. Amen

Jan 4th
A Mansion Beyond
"There is more than enough room in My Father's home. When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with Me where I am." John 14:2-3
Situated on 17 acres in Provence, France, is a stately mansion that rents for $50,000 a week. With 16 bedrooms and 16 bathrooms, there's plenty of space for the whole family! Situated in heaven, with more than enough room, are large and stately mansions for us to live in forever. Jesus paid the price for us to stay there. He paid with His blood because He wants us to be able to live with Him for eternity. Our entrance is secured by our faith in Him.
While we may eagerly look forward to our earthly vacations - be they camping or luxury resorts - nothing can be compared to the lavish wonders of our heavenly home. Our holidays may seem to end too quickly but heaven will be our new home, and it will be a place of unending rest and delight!
Lord, Thank You that I have so much to look forward to. Help me not to lose sight of the beautiful future You have for me. Amen.

Jan 5th
Greater Than....
You belong to God, my dear children. You have already won a victory over those people, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world. 1 John 4:4
Do you remember the greater than (>) less than (<) mathematical symbols we learned back in school? None of us would ever argue that five is not greater than three, or that one is not less than four. That's obvious. Sometimes, though, the 'greater than, less than' principle looks more obvious to us in the mathematical realm than it does in the spiritual realm.
Lest we as God's children forget, the apostle John reminds us that God's Spirit is greater than any fears or temptations we could ever face. No matter what challenges or difficulties we are dealing with today, the Spirit who lives in us is greater than the spirit who lives in the world.
Father, Even at times when it doesn't seem obvious to us, help us to believe that Your Spirit is greater than the spirit of the world. Amen.

Jan 6th
Free Food
"Is anyone thirsty? Come and drink-even if you have no money! Come, take your choice of wine or milk-it's all free! Why spend your money on food that does not give you strength? Listen to Me, and you will eat what is good. You will enjoy the finest food." Isaiah 55:1-2
If you travel to Austria and order Wiener schnitzel for dinner, take some euros to pay for the meal. If you visit India and opt for Chicken Tandori, make sure that you put some rupee in your wallet. Regardless of where we eat, food costs money.
When Jesus invites everyone in the whole world to enjoy His gospel feast, He tells us that we don't need any money. All He asks is that we come to Him with a sense of our need - with thirsty hearts.
In return for our longing, He blesses us with the free gift of His grace and lasting nourishment from His presence and His Word.
Gracious Father, How kind of You to make the finest food available to us all - with no money required. Amen.

Jan 7th
God Satisfies
He is the God who made the world and everything in it. Since He is Lord of heaven and earth. He doesn't live in man-made temples, and human hands can't serve His needs - for He has no needs. He Himself gives life and breath to everything, and He satisfies every need. Acts 17:24-25
Imagine if we were completely satisfied and did not have any needs. No need for food...sleep...water...money...forgiveness. With no needs of our own, we would be entirely free to concentrate on other people's needs. Actually, that is what God is doing right now. He is taking care of our needs.
The One who created food at the beginning of the world still provides it today. The One who sent His Son to provide forgiveness of sins still provides it today. God didn't bring us into existence only to leave us on our own. Instead, He demonstrates His love continually by caring for our needs.
Gracious Father, We are grateful for the many ways You show Your care for us. Amen.

Jan 8th
God Hears and Helps
As for me, I look to the LORD for help. I wait confidently for God to save me, and my God will certainly hear me. Micah 7:7
Great faith isn't just limited to the prophets. The faith of the Old testament prophet, Micah, can be ours as well. Look to the Lord for help. More than taking a peek or a glance at God, we make Him the center of our attention. He becomes our Pole Star as we read His Word, think about Him, and talk to Him.
I wait confidently for God to save me. Sometimes we think of waiting in terms of standing in line, but waiting can be more purposeful than that. We can pray, linger in God's Word, and watch for His goodness. Our faith will grow as we look at our challenges in the light of God's power instead of looking at God in the shadow of our challenges. He will help us.
Father, What would we do without You? Thank You for hearing us, helping us, and saving us. Amen.

Jan 9th
Precious Wisdom
Wisdom is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her. Proverbs 3:15
Just how precious are rubies? Along with diamonds, emeralds, and sapphires, they are considered one of the four precious gems and are exceptionally rare. Not found just anywhere, rubies are unearthed most often in Burma, Sri-Lanka, Kenya, Madagascar and Cambodia. If we were to purchase one of these gems to be set in a ring or hung on a necklace, we might pay anywhere from $500 to $5,000 for the piece of jewelry.
Wisdom is even more valuable than rubies, and we don't need to ravel to Asia, Africa, or our local jeweler to find it. Wisdom is unearthed in God's Word, with the help of His Holy Spirit. The only tools we need to acquire it are a Bible and a receptive heart.
Father, We're thankful that we have constant access to Your wisdom. Amen.

Jan 10th
A Staggering Debt
"Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. The servant fell on his knee before him. 'Be patient with me', he begged, 'and I will pay back everything'. The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go." Matthew 18:23-24

Jesus' parable about forgiveness means significantly more to us when we understand the amounts of money being discussed. The servant is this parable owed the master 10,000 talents.

In the first century, one talent was equivalent to a worker's wages for about 15 years. This meant that the servant owed his master 150,000 years worth of wages! This was a sum no one could ever repay.

So it is with our sin. God has forgiven us far more than we could repay. Because we have been forgiven much, He calls us to forgive others.

Lord, You have forgiven us so much. Give us forgiving spirits so that - like you - we will forgive those who have offended us. In Jesus' name, Amen.

One Minute Devotions ~ Simply Refreshing ~ A Life Worth Living ~ Ellen Banks Elwell

Femara Treatment #1

Sorry for the late update. I talked with the RE last week and we talked about the prognosis and how fast it’s returning. The RE said that it’s just going to count to grow back. So we decided to proceed with the next med. I can start Femara without having to go to Seattle first. We're going to try Femara 10mg without Ovidrel (hCG trigger shot) first and if that doesn't work were going to try the next dose. If it doesn't work we decided to cont with Femara and try it with the trigger shot. If we go with the trigger shots we will have to go out to Seattle first for orientation on trigger shots. The trigger shots are the furthest we want to go with infertility treatments due to the cost and my medical condition. I have to wait until the end of this week and then I have to start taking Provera 10mg for a week and then start the Femara treatment. I’ll update you on the treatment as we go.

Ultrasound Results

So the ultrasound showed that there was a 2 to 3cm spot of endometrioma in the left ovary again. Yes, again just a little over 2 months ago it was all cleaned out and removed and its already back. I have a phone appointment with the RE to talk about what she thinks. I don't know if they will start treatments or not however here is my thing. With the left side cont to be non-functioning this means that only 6 months of the year are even at chance of happening. (I know that I'm getting negative) If one month happens to fail that means that its slim to nothing chance and the treatments of course are spendy. I know that it all lays in Gods hands and he may/may not have a plan for us to have our own children. It makes life hard that when every month goes bye and there is nothing...its hard to keep faith (since 23 months have went bye with nothing). It just makes you feel like a failure and that you have let everyone down.
On another topic.....I love that my job is flexible and they allow you to bring your child with if you need to for some reason however it is very hard for those of us who are trying so hard to have what they have and to have to see other peoples children all day at work...I picked a Nursing home/Rehab center for reason...Hoping to avoid having to see babies all day long...I guess I was wrong. There is this one person who I frequently have to see that would like to just ship their child back oversea for someone less to take care (they have already set plans) and here I am so desperately wanting a child of my own. It is so hard to see this person and have to interact with them.

I just need to look at God for direction and give him my faith in him but it is just so hard....I'll update after I find out something from the RE.

3 strikes and you’re out right???

At our Christmas candle light service they talked about the light of God. They talked about the darker the hole the brighter the light. Over the whole month of Dec God has got me fooled by his timing of things and ever Sunday I felt like God was saying I’m talking to you. I keep praying and asking him for guidance and to show me the way to go and I feel like he is pushing me and telling me 2 different things. Then at the candle light service it really hit me hard because I always feel like I’m in this deep dark hole with no one around knowing and understands what it’s like and how it feels and the disappointment to others and not to mention that I feel like a horrible person by not liking others who are pregnant and avoiding people with little ones. But that night it all made sense that even through this hard time that God is showing me the bright light and that when the day comes to hold a baby in my arms for the very first time that it will be even more special than ever. I know that God has his own timing and his own time line of when things will happen but it’s hard to see and it’s hard to wait when it’s something you want so dearly. It’s been a long two years of hard waiting and even tho the doctors say not to give up and just keep trying its hard. It’s been 2 years and nothing what’s going to make something happen this year. I know that I need to trust God and to keep looking to him for the strength to keeping going but the simple story is that I’m just tired of waiting.

As to the new pain that I wrote about, I called my doctors nurse last week and she told me the doctor won’t be back until the middle of this coming week. The pain has gone bad…it’s almost as bad as it was 2 months ago right before I had surgery. I had to stay home Thursday and only worked a short day on Friday. I’m really afraid that it’s another cyst and its only been 2 months since the last surgery…I’m afraid its going fast. I’m hoping that they can get me in for an ultrasound by the end of this week to check it out. I fear that if it is another cyst that it’s just going to be best to take everything out because I can’t be having surgery every 2 months and I can’t live my daily life like this…

I told myself months ago that 2011 was going to be a great year medically…it’s been 3 bad years…3 strikes and you’re out right???  We I guess not….not a wonderful start to a new year…However it can only get better from here J