Letter to God

I have watched to movie Letters to God several times and have always been inspired to write a letter to God but never have. We watched it two weeks ago with the kids that our staying with us for the first time since they have been here. Later that day the little boy sat down and wrote a letter to God. He asked us how it really gets to God and we told him several different ways but I later realized that I never explained to him even tho it really never physically touches his hands that God knows what you put in his letter.
Last night at the dinner table the little boy started telling us that on the radio they were saying the prayer like they do in church that says that if you want to invite God into our heart you can say it with them. He then said that I said it with them. We asked him if he knew what it meant to ask God into your heart and he explained the whole meaning of it. I'm so happy for him however I believe that he really needs to see a miracle from God to make him fully believe and understand that God really does care about him after all of the things this poor little boy has had to go through.

This little boy and the movie has made me realize that I really need to do it and not just think about it.

Dear God,
 I am so sorry beyond words for my lack of faith in you over the last several months. As my pain was physically getting worse and I was mentally tired from parenting these two wonderful children. I was letting my faith in you fall behind. I slowly spent less and less time in your word everyday. I slowly spent less and less time speaking with you and asking for you to help me along the way. Watching the movie Letter to God meant more to me this time then it ever has. Even time I watch it something different effects me. This time it was the part when the grandpa was explaining to the boy that he was a warrior to God and God has hand picked him to go through this journey. At that point it hit me hard inside. Because over the last months I have been pushing you away because I was not believing that it was really going to happen, the pain would never go away and at that point in my life I felt like we would never have a baby to hold being adoption or our own. But what I should have been doing was praising you and thanking you for hand picking me to come on this journey and if you didn't think I could do this journey with you, you would have never of picked me. God I have been chosen by you and now I am so grateful to be walking it with you. I regret losing faith in you and I'm sorry that you had to provide a miracle for me to wake up. You taking away all of my physical pain after the surgery opened my eyes that you are still with me. I have been in large amounts of pain since 2006 and for the first time I have been pain free. I can't thank you enough for taking away that pain. I still have hurt and have pain of everything we have gone thought and what is ahead but I have you to help me through this. Thank you for giving me light when I thought that the candle had burnt out and was never going to relight. God I am also sorry to all of the people whom read my blog that I had let down. God and I am sorry to you because I didn't show them your glory in that time. Instead I let you down and I did not hold onto your faith and show that I was living through you in such a deep time of need.
And for that I will be forever sorry and I will remember that no matter what you are always there for me. Not only do I need to praise you in the light. I need to praise you in the dark when the candle has burnt out and I do not since the light that is shining down from you.
With a heart full of Love, Hope and Faith in you,
Holly

I normally won't share this but I really feel horrible to everyone that was reading my blog because I had truly lost sight of him. I will be forever sorry for that. Because little did I know God was working stronger in my life then I had realize.

Holly