Letter to Loved One

In my last post I talked about our homework from our 1st day of Adoption Class #2. This was our homework.

Letter to a Loved One

Placing a child for adoption is one of the most difficult decisions that a birth parent will make. Not only will they experience grief and loss, but they also may experience stigma and judgement from those closet to them. Imagine that you or your partner is experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and you have decided to place your child with an adoptive family. Your task is to write a letter to a loved one (a parent, sibling  friend or even your partner) telling them about your decision to place this child. Write you letter to a specific person that you care about.

Some things to think about when writing this letter:

What would you want your loved one to know? What would help them better understand your decision? You could write about how you're feeling and/or how you came to this decision.

What would you be worried about? How do you expect your loved one to react to your decision? Will s/he be upset, hurt, disappointed or angry?

Would you expect your loved one to be supportive of your decision? What will happen if s/he is not supportive? What would happen to your relationship with this person? Would their lack of support change your decision?

I'll tell you the feelings that I went through when writing my letter. At first I though it was going to be really hard to write. However, that was an understatement. It was so hard especially when we so desperately want a baby. I cried many tears as I wrote this letter. It took me over an hour to write it. I had a hard time coming up with words to show my compassion for this child.  It was hard to figure out the order and at what point in the letter I thought I should say my plan. Writing this letter truly opened up a deeper spot in my heart for these women that have to go through this and a heart wrench spot for those with family that don't support them. 

I would suggest anyone going through an adoption to take the time and trying writing a letter like this.

My Letter

Dear Mom,

Over the last few months I have been thinking of what my future is going to hold for my baby and I. Along with my dreams and goals for myself. I have thought hard about how being a parent to this child is going to effect my life. My hopes and dreams for this child is to have a loving and stable home.

With taking on the role of being this child's parent I will not be able to fulfill my goals personally and for my child. I believe that my child's dreams and goals can be fulfilled. However, I have come to realize that I can not emotionally nor physically care for this child the way my heart desires. Through a lot of tears and heartache I have deiced that the best situation for my child would be to place him for adoption.

I realize that my decision may also cause you heartache as I know you were looking forward to being a grandma. You have been so supportive during this time and I am forever grateful  I realize that right now you may not understand why I have made this decision and I know you will need time to work through your feelings. I hope that through time you will come to understand why I made this decision and I hope you will continue to support me.

I have chosen open adoption for my child. The reason I made this decision is because I have the ability to choose a family for him. Along with the ability to continue to have a relationship with my child and the family after placement. I want you to know that you can still be a part of this child's life if you choose to. The family I have picked for my child is a very loving and caring family. If you can open your heart to them I know that you will come to love them too. They are more than willing for you to be a part of the family.

I am so thankful for having such a loving and caring mom like you in my life. I am so grateful for the person you have inspired me to be. Without you my life would not be the same.

With my hearts greatest love,

Your Daughter