Femara Treatment #1

Sorry for the late update. I talked with the RE last week and we talked about the prognosis and how fast it’s returning. The RE said that it’s just going to count to grow back. So we decided to proceed with the next med. I can start Femara without having to go to Seattle first. We're going to try Femara 10mg without Ovidrel (hCG trigger shot) first and if that doesn't work were going to try the next dose. If it doesn't work we decided to cont with Femara and try it with the trigger shot. If we go with the trigger shots we will have to go out to Seattle first for orientation on trigger shots. The trigger shots are the furthest we want to go with infertility treatments due to the cost and my medical condition. I have to wait until the end of this week and then I have to start taking Provera 10mg for a week and then start the Femara treatment. I’ll update you on the treatment as we go.

Ultrasound Results

So the ultrasound showed that there was a 2 to 3cm spot of endometrioma in the left ovary again. Yes, again just a little over 2 months ago it was all cleaned out and removed and its already back. I have a phone appointment with the RE to talk about what she thinks. I don't know if they will start treatments or not however here is my thing. With the left side cont to be non-functioning this means that only 6 months of the year are even at chance of happening. (I know that I'm getting negative) If one month happens to fail that means that its slim to nothing chance and the treatments of course are spendy. I know that it all lays in Gods hands and he may/may not have a plan for us to have our own children. It makes life hard that when every month goes bye and there is nothing...its hard to keep faith (since 23 months have went bye with nothing). It just makes you feel like a failure and that you have let everyone down.
On another topic.....I love that my job is flexible and they allow you to bring your child with if you need to for some reason however it is very hard for those of us who are trying so hard to have what they have and to have to see other peoples children all day at work...I picked a Nursing home/Rehab center for reason...Hoping to avoid having to see babies all day long...I guess I was wrong. There is this one person who I frequently have to see that would like to just ship their child back oversea for someone less to take care (they have already set plans) and here I am so desperately wanting a child of my own. It is so hard to see this person and have to interact with them.

I just need to look at God for direction and give him my faith in him but it is just so hard....I'll update after I find out something from the RE.

3 strikes and you’re out right???

At our Christmas candle light service they talked about the light of God. They talked about the darker the hole the brighter the light. Over the whole month of Dec God has got me fooled by his timing of things and ever Sunday I felt like God was saying I’m talking to you. I keep praying and asking him for guidance and to show me the way to go and I feel like he is pushing me and telling me 2 different things. Then at the candle light service it really hit me hard because I always feel like I’m in this deep dark hole with no one around knowing and understands what it’s like and how it feels and the disappointment to others and not to mention that I feel like a horrible person by not liking others who are pregnant and avoiding people with little ones. But that night it all made sense that even through this hard time that God is showing me the bright light and that when the day comes to hold a baby in my arms for the very first time that it will be even more special than ever. I know that God has his own timing and his own time line of when things will happen but it’s hard to see and it’s hard to wait when it’s something you want so dearly. It’s been a long two years of hard waiting and even tho the doctors say not to give up and just keep trying its hard. It’s been 2 years and nothing what’s going to make something happen this year. I know that I need to trust God and to keep looking to him for the strength to keeping going but the simple story is that I’m just tired of waiting.

As to the new pain that I wrote about, I called my doctors nurse last week and she told me the doctor won’t be back until the middle of this coming week. The pain has gone bad…it’s almost as bad as it was 2 months ago right before I had surgery. I had to stay home Thursday and only worked a short day on Friday. I’m really afraid that it’s another cyst and its only been 2 months since the last surgery…I’m afraid its going fast. I’m hoping that they can get me in for an ultrasound by the end of this week to check it out. I fear that if it is another cyst that it’s just going to be best to take everything out because I can’t be having surgery every 2 months and I can’t live my daily life like this…

I told myself months ago that 2011 was going to be a great year medically…it’s been 3 bad years…3 strikes and you’re out right???  We I guess not….not a wonderful start to a new year…However it can only get better from here J

New Pain

Over the last week I have started having pain on the right side and it is just like the pain that started on the left side. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and praying that it is not another cyst. I'm hoping the doctor will call me back tomorrow and send me in for an ultrasound to check to make sure there is not another cyst starting to grow. The pain is not anything like the last one but if we can get it early I can take meds to try to make it go away before it gets bad.

I have to call and schedule an RE phone appointment yet but I'm waiting to see what is going on with this first. I'll keep you updated if I find anything out.

I've been super busy working on the basement trying to get it finished before I start some classes in Jan for 3 weeks because I'll have no free time. We are about half way done. We have to seal the floor and paint one more wall and then lay carpet and move things out so we can finish the 3rd room in the basement and then prime the wall in the one room upstairs which is a long awaited room for a little one and hopefully some day soon we will be able to paint it a color and fill the room with a special little one.

The Soon to be Photography Room

 The stairs to the basement

 The soon to be family room



Life

Sorry for not updating lately....My RE labs went ok besides now I'm having issues with cholesterol so now I'm going to meet with my nutritionist at the beginning of Jan. I also talked with my nurse from the RE and she said that I could call and do a phone appointment to talk about information and decided if we can start the pill treatments without going out there first. Christmas is also a very hard time of the year for me so I've kinda been a Xmas pooper this year and just trying to hide in my cave so that I don't have to deal with the heart ache of seeing people who are excepting or have little ones. This year has been a lot easier but Christmas is nothing like it use to be. I'll update after I find out some more info.