Sunday, June 26, 2011

Sorry for the lack of posting :(

I am having a very hard time hanging up the hook totally on my infertility treatments. Before we can continue we have to make a trip out to Seattle to visit the RE again. Which isn't the hardest part. My body doesn't handle the treatments very well and I don't think my body can handle more in depth treatments. So I am officially done for right now. I'm having a very hard time totally being done. Done testing, labs, ultrasounds and more testing. I never thought I would be sad to be done. The hardest thing for me is getting rid of my maternity clothes. I have 2 tubs that of them that I have been hanging on to since 2008 and have moved them 4 times and over 1,200 miles. I can't just get myself to get rid of them. To me getting rid of the clothes means I'm officially giving up.
I was really hoping that we wouldn't be done with treatments before we were really in depth working on an adoption. However that is not gods plan. In 08 I told the doctor just to take everything out and to this day still say the same thing due to the pain I have due to my dx. However that is not so easy anymore since we are running into many issues with the adoption process. When I was younger I always had a dream and a wish that I could be a Sergent mother for those who where unable to have children and now I am in need of someone. Its amazing how life really changes.
Our current children that are staying with us are really testing our patients which is very hard with everything I'm going through. We are having sever behavioral issues with one of the children. I want to help them and show them that not everyone will give up on them because I understand how that feels but I'm really struggling to keep going. There is just so much emotion going on between giving up on my dream of having children of my own and not being able to adopt at this time and foster children we sever behavioral issue is just getting me down.
For those who tell people just to adopt or be foster parents have never been through it before. From going to being able to do what you need to do to sitting in the time in room for 3 hours a night and not being able to go to the store unless my husband is home which is only 2 to 3 nights a week. It is not an easy thing. 
Thank you to everyone who has been praying for us we really appreciate it.
Sorry for a sad/negative post
I will try to post more often however until the behaviors are under control I won't be able to do much posting.