Friday, October 28, 2011

Letter to God

I have watched to movie Letters to God several times and have always been inspired to write a letter to God but never have. We watched it two weeks ago with the kids that our staying with us for the first time since they have been here. Later that day the little boy sat down and wrote a letter to God. He asked us how it really gets to God and we told him several different ways but I later realized that I never explained to him even tho it really never physically touches his hands that God knows what you put in his letter.
Last night at the dinner table the little boy started telling us that on the radio they were saying the prayer like they do in church that says that if you want to invite God into our heart you can say it with them. He then said that I said it with them. We asked him if he knew what it meant to ask God into your heart and he explained the whole meaning of it. I'm so happy for him however I believe that he really needs to see a miracle from God to make him fully believe and understand that God really does care about him after all of the things this poor little boy has had to go through.

This little boy and the movie has made me realize that I really need to do it and not just think about it.

Dear God,
 I am so sorry beyond words for my lack of faith in you over the last several months. As my pain was physically getting worse and I was mentally tired from parenting these two wonderful children. I was letting my faith in you fall behind. I slowly spent less and less time in your word everyday. I slowly spent less and less time speaking with you and asking for you to help me along the way. Watching the movie Letter to God meant more to me this time then it ever has. Even time I watch it something different effects me. This time it was the part when the grandpa was explaining to the boy that he was a warrior to God and God has hand picked him to go through this journey. At that point it hit me hard inside. Because over the last months I have been pushing you away because I was not believing that it was really going to happen, the pain would never go away and at that point in my life I felt like we would never have a baby to hold being adoption or our own. But what I should have been doing was praising you and thanking you for hand picking me to come on this journey and if you didn't think I could do this journey with you, you would have never of picked me. God I have been chosen by you and now I am so grateful to be walking it with you. I regret losing faith in you and I'm sorry that you had to provide a miracle for me to wake up. You taking away all of my physical pain after the surgery opened my eyes that you are still with me. I have been in large amounts of pain since 2006 and for the first time I have been pain free. I can't thank you enough for taking away that pain. I still have hurt and have pain of everything we have gone thought and what is ahead but I have you to help me through this. Thank you for giving me light when I thought that the candle had burnt out and was never going to relight. God I am also sorry to all of the people whom read my blog that I had let down. God and I am sorry to you because I didn't show them your glory in that time. Instead I let you down and I did not hold onto your faith and show that I was living through you in such a deep time of need.
And for that I will be forever sorry and I will remember that no matter what you are always there for me. Not only do I need to praise you in the light. I need to praise you in the dark when the candle has burnt out and I do not since the light that is shining down from you.
With a heart full of Love, Hope and Faith in you,

I normally won't share this but I really feel horrible to everyone that was reading my blog because I had truly lost sight of him. I will be forever sorry for that. Because little did I know God was working stronger in my life then I had realize.


Thursday, October 20, 2011

Lots of prayers needed

The post below is for children in my area however I am sure that there has been a rise in the number of children in foster care all over the world. Please Pray for all of the children.

Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced. ~James Baldwin

Please pray and spread this message below to other prayer warriors, prayer groups and prayer chains you know. Tell them to email to receive Homes of Hope bi-weekly E-Prayer chain or urgent requests as need be ...

In the 8 counties Homes of Hope supports the average number of children placed in foster care is 10 kids per month. In September the combined 8 counties placed 35+ children into foster care!!!!! Last November on Orphan Sunday we had 104 children in care. Today we have 169!!! Clarkston has had to send 5+ kids to Sally's House in Spokane (30-day temporary care). Now, I hear Sally's House is on the chopping block. Time is now for the Call to Action (James 1:27 and Matthew 19:13-15) for Christians to step up and help these children and the families who foster and/or adopt them. Also, pray for the birth families. Oh, my that's a hard one...There is so much despair and hopelessness that these parents are taking it out on their children. They need Jesus. We as Christians MUST quit living in our box of comfort and quit judging these parents and go to them and bring them to the feet of Jesus. I am in NO way saying it is ok for parents to hurt their kids!!! I am saying there is a message we have to tell and obviously we are not doing a very good job with these rising numbers of children coming into care. The redeeming story of Jesus Christ the true author of Healing and Hope must be told. Right now those parents are kind of like a captive audience as the state has their kids in care. No better time to come along side them and share Jesus with them. The call to more foster/adopt parents is imminent!!! However, they need to be prepared and equipped and supported as they take on this difficult heart-wrenching journey. Pray Luke 14: 25-32 (Count the Cost-be prepared) for Orphan Sunday. Please pray.

Post Surgery Update

I feel so amazing after this surgery. I can't even remember the last time that I felt this good. I can't wait until I hit the six week mark so I can get back to my exercise routine. Due to the massive amount of endometriosis that was found they told me that I needed to go through treatment for it with the RE agreement. So starting possible next week I will start injections for the next 6 months that will put me through menopause to totally stop the function of the one ovary I have left. I will most like have to go through hormone therapy at the same time due to the side effects of the first treatment. The long term goal is first to keep the endometriosis from coming back and for the pain to stay away. The second goal would be to lose weight during that time frame and return to my 60 min a day exercise program to shed off 40lbs total. The extra bonus with this could be one functioning ovary that is healthy enough to produce eggs that are big enough to sustain life.

The doctor showed me pictures from my surgery. The doctor spent one hour trying to save the left ovary but he was unable to remove the cell wall at which point he decided it would be best to totally remove it. The doctor then spent the next hour and half removing the endometriosis that had attached itself to my bladder, intestines and kidneys. I have to say that God had his hand in this situation. Around the whole right ovary there was this big circle area in which there was no endometriosis to be found.

If you have been following my blog you probably remember that months ago I said that we were done with RE treatments. With this surgery that possibility could change. I really think God has his hand in this situation. For the last 2 years I have been asking for my ovary to be removed since this was the 4th surgery being performed with the last two less then a year apart. However everyone keep using my age as a reason to keep it. I have been miserable for the last 4 years with high levels of pain. I just wanted to feel life again without the pain wearing so hard on my body. My pain tolerance is very high. Even the doctor couldn't believe that I felt no amount of pain after this surgery. Sure my muscles get tired from being week but really no pain. Its amazing and I can only thank God for this.

Here is the pictures of our candles that we had lighted from 7 to 8 pm on Oct 15th to remember our little ones we had lost over the last 3 years.

I will post it as soon as I can.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

Today we are remembering our 3 precious little ones that we are so dearly awaiting to meet when we get to heaven. We are so grateful every year that we get to share our story with people to help increase the awareness. I am so grateful that God has helped us through each and every situation and has taken our loses and turned them into joy. God has done amazing things in our life through our loses and each time I get to grow closer to God.  I am praying for each and every person and family whom have a precious little one they are waiting to meet when they get to heaven.

October 15th, WORLDWIDE, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day - Miscarriage, Stillbirth, SIDS

To promote support, education and awareness for those who are suffering or may know someone who has suffered a miscarriage, an ectopic pregnancy, a still birth, or the loss of an infant.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Surgery Update

I  am recovering well this time around. I have not taken any pain pills since Wednesday morning. I have my follow up appointment and will find out then exactly what he found. I never realized how much pain I was in until the pain was going. I am in less pain now and even right after surgery then the last few months. I am tired and I can tell when my body has had enough for awhile but really minor pain. Thank you all again for all of the prayers and support.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Home From Surgery

Waiting for Surgery

The surgery it's self went good however there was so much scare tissue and endometerosis that they did end up removing the whole left ovary. We are praying the results come back negative for cancer. Our other hope is that with the non functioning side out that the right side will now be able to function properly. I will update more when there is not so many drugs in my system. Thank You all for your thoughts and prayers,