Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Grief/Prayers Needed

Its amazing how one day, one minute or two words can change our lives for ever. Some people in our lives make choices that affect our lives more than they can ever imagine. Only if those people who make those selfish chooses ever saw the outcomes of the other persons life maybe they would change. Ten months ago one persons choice has changed my life beyond their mind and mine. Ten months ago that one persons choice has taken so much away from me. I never imagined this much could be take away. From that day and still today my biggest regret is not putting my foot down even tho I my of lost my job. I have lost more now then if I just would of said no. At this point that one person's choice has token away my hope of ever having a family of my own. 
With only week(s) left to be put on the waiting list with our current adoption agency they have decided to change their minds. I my heart is just falling apart writing this. They decided because of my back and because we don't make 100's and 1000's of dollars a year that (is the truth terms) we are not rich enough to adopt through them. (I'm don't mean anything bad towards anymore when I write this) I'm sorry but when does money play a role into how much you love your child. I have always felt this way. The people who don't have all the money in the world are the ones who will give every last penny to someone who needs it more than they do. My heart just aches over the fact. Last week our agency was telling us that we probably won't be on the list for long because we are so open and that our profile will be shown a lot.  We also had more money saved up at this point then most they work with. Then to today they call to tell us that they are no longer going to work with us because of our income and my back issues because it is too unstable. I'm sorry I know people who have just gone through organ failures who have adopted shortly after. Who's life can be granted forever stable medically and financially. Anyone can hurt their backs as easily as I did or end up with a life threatening issue. Anyone can have there jobs ripped out from them any second of any day especially in today's world. I'm sorry, but what humanly christian based agency does that to a person.
Today I am just so angry at the person who had changed my life forever. Today I am mad at the person who said those hurtful words. Today I don't understand god's plan. Today All I know is that my heart is broken again. My hurt is ripped into millions of pieces again. Today everything has been taken away once again. Today the person who made one tiny choice has ripped my hopes and dreams away. Today the only person I know that can change any of this is God. Today I question his plan. Today I seek more of him. Today I give him my heart back that is ripped into millions of pieces. Today I still have him.


1 Peter 1

New International Version (NIV)
Peter, an apostle of Jesus Christ,
To God’s elect, exiles scattered throughout the provinces of Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia and Bithynia, who have been chosen according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, through the sanctifying work of the Spirit, to be obedient to Jesus Christ and sprinkled with his blood:
Grace and peace be yours in abundance.

Praise to God for a Living Hope

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
10 Concerning this salvation, the prophets, who spoke of the grace that was to come to you,searched intently and with the greatest care, 11 trying to find out the time and circumstances to which the Spirit of Christ in them was pointing when he predicted the sufferings of the Messiah and the glories that would follow. 12 It was revealed to them that they were not serving themselves but you, when they spoke of the things that have now been told you by those who have preached the gospel to you by the Holy Spirit sent from heaven. Even angels long to look into these things.

Be Holy

13 Therefore, with minds that are alert and fully sober, set your hope on the grace to be brought to you when Jesus Christ is revealed at his coming. 14 As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. 15 But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; 16 for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.”[a]
17 Since you call on a Father who judges each person’s work impartially, live out your time as foreigners here in reverent fear. 18 For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your ancestors, 19 but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect. 20 He was chosen before the creation of the world, but was revealed in these last times for your sake. 21 Through him you believe in God, who raised him from the dead and glorified him, and so your faith and hope are in God.
22 Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart.[b] 23 For you have been born again,not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God.24 For,
“All people are like grass,
    and all their glory is like the flowers of the field;
the grass withers and the flowers fall,
25     but the word of the Lord endures forever.”[c]
And this is the word that was preached to you.

2 comments:

  1. Oh Holly, I am so so so sorry. I can't even imagine the hurt and pain you are facing. I'll be praying for healing of your broken heart.

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