When I was thinking earlier about what I was going to right it was going to be nothing like I'm going to write now. I was going to say how hard it is especially on Thursday when I went in for my ultrasound every women besides 2 in their 60's were pregnant. Then I went in for my ultrasound and I was crying because I was in so much pain and the ultrasound for 45 minutes did not help at all. Then the horrible phone call today which said that the treatment is OFF due to the cyst enlargement. Go in again on the next cycle for baseline and if the cyst has not gotten smaller or stopped growing its surgery again to remove it. The pain is so bad that just sitting here is unbearable.
While I guess I kinda did write about it now but nothing like I was going to but instead I'm going to be (I should say try) positive about this which is so hard considering the amount of pain I am in right now however it is all in God's timing. I went to a seminar today called the connected child and I loved it. I have fallen out of love with my job and have lost my passion which I think is from everything not going well and I'm just wearing down. In the seminar they talked about how you choice the path of which something is going to be positive or negative. This adventure and journey I am on is something only selected people get to go through. Even tho this is one of the hardest journey's I have ever been on there are things that I have gained out of them that I never would of got to of done and won't be where I am at now in my life.
I have gain a relationship with God. I would have to say before all of this started my relationship was not the greatest and I did not give him the time he deserved. However I have changed lots of things in my life and now spend more time with him in a week then I did in a whole entire year. He has led me through all of this and keeps giving me hope that things can and will happen its just when the time is right in his book. I was looking at seeing all of those pregnant women as a horrible thing and why was he doing that to me after just finding out the night before that I wasn't pregnant. Now I realize that it is gods way a reminding me that miracles do happen and my baby just isn't ready yet. I have also gained blogging friendships with all of these wonderful and inspiring women and if it wasn't for this journey I would have never of met them. There are so many other things. I am because of the seminar God led me to today looking at the positives otherwise I would be sitting here crying my eyes out but instead I am sitting here thinking how lucky I am that God choice me to walk this journey with him.
I'm going to leave you with this.................
Hello. Came across your blog today... I don't ovulate and have had terrible cysts too so I understand your pain. Hope Femara leads to ovulation for you and that darn cyst goes away! Also, I don't know where I'd be without faith in Him and even though I always need to improve that relationship, it's great to know God loves us:] Best wishes to you!
ReplyDeleteGreat song - I love Third Day and I love the message. Thank you for your positive spirit! I do hope that this cyst heals quickly and that the pain subsides.
ReplyDeleteI love Third Day! Thank you for sharing this song; I really needed it today. I'm sorry to hear about the cyst. I'm praying this week will be a better week for both of us.
ReplyDeleteHey, I was wondering how things were going and remembered, finally, to check here. I'm so sorry for this latest disappointment, for the weariness you are facing in all of this. I'm glad you are honest amidst your effort to be positive -- there's certainly room for both. And I love, love, love how you have chosen to see what God has brought you already in all of this -- the closer relationship with Him, the supportive friends. I love that you've allowed to God to use this to bring you closer to Him instead of distance you from Him -- I really admire that. Lots of prayers and love, my friend!
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