Surgery

Update from my appointment. We talked about my pain and they did an exam there today and things totally weren't feeling normal. They kept asking me if I could be pregnant and they did a test after the exam to to make sure. The doctor said that he would like to have an ultrasound done to see if there are any changes they can see from the ultra sound. There are 3 spots of pressure on the inside and their not sure what is cause them beside the left ovary is filled with endometrium. Depending if they find out anymore info on the ultrasound they could possible have to take out an ovary. The surgery is schedule for the 26th at 1pm. I'll have to be off of work until at least that Friday but if they have to cut me open more then I could have to be off for up to 2 weeks min. I got my wish that they meds didn't work but I'm hoping that its not really bad and that they don't have to take everything. I'll update when I find out more info from the ultrasound on Thursday.

Pain

Last night my pain start up again and is pretty bad. I didn't have time to call the nurse from MRS back on Friday so I'm going to call them back tomorrow and let them know that the meds aren't helping and it cont to get worse....Yesterday afternoon I was all excited because I thought I could start exercising but then I decided not to because I didn't want to push my luck....I'm sure glad I didn't. I'll update on Monday with what they decided.

A long Awaited Goodbye to 20s, Hello and Goodbye 18s and A long awaited HELLO to 16s

A quick update from my Phone appointment on Wednesday with Dr. Thyre and update on the title.

On Wednesday I talked to Dr. Thyre on the phone about my pain level and how bad it is getting and on long it is lasting. She said that she wants to try 2 new meds first and see if they work to get ride of and to keep the pain away. If they don't then their going to do surgery to look inside and see what is going on. I started the 2 new meds and the pain still seem to be there but I know it wont work that fast. Dr. Thyre told me that she would have a nurse call me once a week to check and see how the meds are working. They are so wonderful at SRM. They know my goals and they are doing everything they can to help me get there. Most doctors blow off the pain and just say that I'm going to have to live with it if I wants children but they don't understand how much it affects my life. For the last 2 weeks I have been getting only a total of 3 hours of sleep a night and the pain wipes me out so bad that I get ready and go to work and by noon I'm doing everything to keep going. I also haven't been able to exercise and I'm not eating much until the last 2 days. They understand there what my goal is and they want me to get there and they want me to see my get to that 35 BMI because they know that's whats best to make it happen and best for a baby. I love that they are trying to help me. I kinda don't want the meds to work in a way because I want to know whatz causing all of the pain instead of masking the symptoms.

But I do want the meds to start working because I really miss exercising....I never though I would say that...but I love it...I want my AB Coaster tho because I need to firm up my stomach...I love that its getting smaller but I really need to firm it up....So that leads to my title....Last week I put all of my 20s into a basket and some 18s in but I just couldn't get into the 16s. Now this weekend goodbye to all but one pair of 18s (I love them to much) and hello to almost all of my 16s. A friend gave me some 16s that she had and they all fit but one and all of the ones I have fit......Now I'm just waiting to say hello to all of my 14s which I haven't wore since I got really sick in college and lost 40 pounds in a month....I haven't seen them since then.....

Another 2 pounds

So yesterday I had one of my pink shirts on and I realized that it seemed really lose so I stepped on the scale and since I'm suppose to be proud of every pound I lose...Then I guess I should be happy that I'm down another 2lbs. My BMI needed to be under 40 to increase my chance and I'm there...I've been under 40 for a week now without going back over it. I really wish I could be down where I need to be....I have to admit I actually miss wearing my rings....but I refuse to resize them before I plateau in weight where I'm suppose to be. I also had to go through my closet and get ride of the clothes that don't fit anymore.....Even the ones I kept that still fit are driving me crazy because I constantly have to pull them up...rrrr...the one thing I hate about losing weight is being between sizes.....2 pounds this week isn't bad considering I haven't been able to exercise and eat right because of my pain...I keep praying that it will go away and that god will give me the strenght to keep going through this for the chance of a baby......

Sorry to you out there reading this who are pregnant or have a little one but I don't mean anything against you its just feelings I have some times...Sometimes especially when my pain is really bad.....It is so hard to look at them or to see a little baby is someones arms...Its not because I don't think they shouldn't have one or that there bad people...Its just so hard to understand why some of us have to go through so much to have a little one and for some people its as easy as 1,2,3. Its hard some days because almost everyone I know has a little one or is expecting a little one and sometimes they don't understand why its hard to be around them.

Pain

So yesterday my pain was pretty good compared to how it has been but I was so tired and now because I over did it yesterday..I'm paying for it today and I'm suppose to be going to Spokane for a conference tomorrow. I love helping out with things but I hate doing it because I never know when its going to come and when its going to go. It just makes life hard because I miss being able to exercise every night and going for a walk at work. I just really wish the pain would go away and sometimes I just wanna give up and say its not worth it. There are days that I'm just ready to go sign up for adoption but when my pain is not bad I always tell myself that I can still do it. Its not just like labor where it happens once and then its done and you have a baby in your arms and forget about it. Its hard because your working so hard to have a kid but you know that every month and every day that you have to just deal with the pain if you want a chance of having a child of your own. I would give up anything to have a baby and have already given up a lot but you don't know whats at the end. I try to tell myself that no matter what its worth it but I really have to think if my body can take must more. One week of pain sets me back 2 weeks. It would be so much easier if I know for sure that there would be a baby at the end of the deal but there is so much that goes with that. Missing lots of work and the cost of the meds are very expensive.  I try to just keep praying to God that he will show me which way to go...but I feel lost....I'm sure he's telling me but I'm just not listening. I keep wondering if all these medical issues coming up are his way of telling me to stop. There days like today where I'm just ready to say take it all out know, but when its over I keep telling myself I can do it.