Pain

So yesterday my pain was pretty good compared to how it has been but I was so tired and now because I over did it yesterday..I'm paying for it today and I'm suppose to be going to Spokane for a conference tomorrow. I love helping out with things but I hate doing it because I never know when its going to come and when its going to go. It just makes life hard because I miss being able to exercise every night and going for a walk at work. I just really wish the pain would go away and sometimes I just wanna give up and say its not worth it. There are days that I'm just ready to go sign up for adoption but when my pain is not bad I always tell myself that I can still do it. Its not just like labor where it happens once and then its done and you have a baby in your arms and forget about it. Its hard because your working so hard to have a kid but you know that every month and every day that you have to just deal with the pain if you want a chance of having a child of your own. I would give up anything to have a baby and have already given up a lot but you don't know whats at the end. I try to tell myself that no matter what its worth it but I really have to think if my body can take must more. One week of pain sets me back 2 weeks. It would be so much easier if I know for sure that there would be a baby at the end of the deal but there is so much that goes with that. Missing lots of work and the cost of the meds are very expensive.  I try to just keep praying to God that he will show me which way to go...but I feel lost....I'm sure he's telling me but I'm just not listening. I keep wondering if all these medical issues coming up are his way of telling me to stop. There days like today where I'm just ready to say take it all out know, but when its over I keep telling myself I can do it.