So the CAT scan came back normal...Yeah for normal but that now means more test. I find out at my appointment tomorrow what the next steps are. Odd that I have a normal eye and a normal brain and no known reason as to why I'm losing my vision. I am so happy that I'm tumor/mass/cancer free but the feeling of the unknown is worse then knowing. Its bad enough having infertility issue and not knowing weather or not we can have our own children but having other unknown medical issues on top of it too. I'll keep my fingers crossed that the test I do tomorrow will give them more of an answer and hopefully it will be an easy fix. Depending on what I find out tomorrow I think I'm going to do my labs later this week or Monday of next week. I'm excited because I want to know but at the same time with all my bad luck..I don't want to have to keep working on other stuff. I always think in this year and a half we have been on no orders longer then we have been on orders. I know that it is all in Gods timing and its hard to believe and see with all of the issues I have had over the last 3 years but I remind myself of the miracle that good is painting for me...One day I'm going to look out the window and see the most wonderful and pretty sunrise that I have ever seen and I will know that god is working on my miracle and every morning I look at the sky and can see all of the other wonderful miracle he is working on. Its very hard.... don't get my wrong especially some days at work because it seems like everyone that works in the nursing homes is either talking about their babies or has them there or are pregnant...and I want that so badly.
A special thanks to all the other blogger's out there who are willing to share their stories and help people like me understand that the things we think and feel is not just us and that it is ok to feel like that. It is also so wonderful and I know that God has timing in it but it always seems like the really hard days, the days I just want to crawl in a tunnel and never come out I can just flip through my list of inspirational blogs and find someone that has written something to help me remember what God is doing and to keep hanging in there and just trust in him. I am so thankful to all of you out there...I can't say thanks enough...Its something that some people will never be able to experience and we have to remember that God has chosen us for a very special reason and we get to experience something that others can't...they can't feel the love of others around the world that don't even know. Its an amazing feeling.
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